One of These Boys Ain't the Same
by PearlyJammer
Summary: A dead body brings two of the FBI's finest to Westchester. An X-Men/X-Files crossover.
1. Default Chapter

Title:  One of These Boys is Not Like the Others 

Author:  Autumn  

Email: autumnleaves@autumnpenguins.com

Archive:  DDFH, APE, others please ask. 

Summary:  A mysterious death leads agents Scully and Mulder to a school in Westchester New York.  An X-Men/X-Files crossover.  Bunny tossed by THL in offering of the DDFH's April theme week.  

Rating: R (implied relationships, language)  

Disclaimer:  The X-Men is property of Fox and Marvel.  X-Files belongs to 1013 Productions and Fox.  The original song belongs to Weird Al Yankovic and it is a parody of the Backstreet Boys 'I Want it that Way'.   

A/N:  I've replaced a bunch of the WA lyrics with my own, which are indicated with an astric (*).   The song is to the tune of 'I Want it that Way' 

This is set roughly around X-Files season six, and two years after the X-Men movie. 

*************************  

            Thursday, April 23  

            F. B. I. Headquarters 

            Washington D.C. 

                        Agent Dana Scully walked through the door to find her partner hunched over the projector.  "Morning Mulder."  

            "Mwornin" came the muffled reply. 

            Scully settled down in the desk chair and waited for her partner to begin his slideshow.  "Hold your hose Scully, this is gonna knock your socks off." Mulder grinned and clicked the button; a strange picture filled the screen.  

            "This was found at the scene.  As you can see there are what appear to be claw marks on one side of the body.  Second and third degree burns cover the front and left side, the back appears to have been smashed into a wall with tremendous force, and there's evidence of freezer burn at the bottom.  Whata you make of that Scully?"  

            "Well Mulder, we won't know for sure until I have a chance to examine the remains, but I'd say it was obviously a crime of passion."  Scully answered swinging her blue gaze towards Mulder.  

            "Well, the local police can't figure out what happened, so guess who's up to save the day."  

            Scully simply nodded and picked up the suitcase from behind the desk.  She'd long since learned to have a case full of clothes and toiletries ready to go at all times.  Mulder still hadn't picked up on this habit and the pair was forced to stop at his apartment before continuing to the airport.  

***********  

            Four hours later the agents had pulled up to the front of an impressive looking mansion and knocked on the door.  A large, hairy man with pointed hair opened the door.  "If you're selling something we're not interested.  And before ye ask, no I haven't accepted Jesus, Mary or Joseph into my heart and eternal damnation sounds fine to me."  

            "You must be Logan." Mulder said, recognizing the face from the case study.  

            "I'm Agent Dana Scully, this is my partner Fox Mulder.  We're from the FBI."  

            Logan glanced between the two of them and opened the door.  He scowled as the two suits asked for Charles Xavier and demanded to see him at once.  Logan stalked down the hall and threw the door open to Charles' office.  "Cops are here."  He told the older looking man before nearly plowing Mulder over in his hurry to get away from the duo.  

            "I understand that you're here to solve this mystery."  Charles greeted them.  

            "Yes sir, that's what we do." Mulder volunteered.  

            "Sir, is there anything in specific we should know about the people we're planning to interview?" Scully pinned the bald man with a stare.      

            "Surely you are aware of the reason this school exists?"  Charles asked.  

            Scully and Mulder exchanged a look before nodding their agreement.  "I've cleared the main rec hall for your convenience, and the small room in the back of it is where you'll find the remains.  Do let me know if there's any way I can assist in your investigation."  

            "We'll need to use a portable CD player, but that should be the only equipment that we are lacking."  Scully informed him.  

            "Very well.  I hate to cut our meeting short, but I fear that I have an awful lot of business to catch up on that simply can't be put off any longer."  

            "Thank you Mr. Xavier."  Mulder said.  

            "Please, call me Charles."  The bald one smiled warmly.  

            The G-men ushered themselves out of the office and walked towards the room they had been directed to.  They locked the doors and proceeded towards the room where the corpse was located.  The smell of burnt plastic still permeated the air, and the two coughed from the overpowering scent.  "It looks even worse in person."  Mulder cracked.  

            "What sort of person would do this?  Its just, a little excessive if the killer was excessively angry."   

            "You're the one who said it was a crime of-passion" Mulder said, strongly emphasizing the last word.  

            "Mulder."  Scully said, fixing her partner with a glare.  

            "What?" He asked innocently.  The two regarded the other with a long look before Scully broke the silence.  "Who do you want to interview first?"  

            "How many do we have?"  

            "10.  Five men, five women."  

            "You don't actually believe in the possibility of mutants do you Scully?"  Mulder asked, mimicking one of his first questions to Scully from five years ago.  

            "Mulder, you believe in aliens, and you're questioning this?" 

            "It's just that, it seems a little bit too comic bookish." Mulder finished. 

            "Mulder, there is scientific evidence that indicates that the X gene really exists." 

            "There's also scientific evidence that you're cute."  Mulder muttered.  

            "What?"  

            "Nothing.  Hey, check out the burn marks on this thing.  It looks like it was blasted by some intense heat."  

            "Well, there is a fire thrower, and a man who can emit optic blasts in residence." She answered.  

            Mulder gave a derisive snort.  "It just doesn't seem very plausible."  

            Scully laughed lightly, it wasn't often that she got to see Mulder doubting anything.  She admitted to herself she rather liked the reversal of roles.  "I'll perform the autopsy on the remains downstairs, Charles said there was a full medical facility downstairs."  

            "I'll look over the files again, we can decide which 'mutant' we want to interrogate first."  

            "Scully rolled her eyes and left in search of the med lab for a gurney to transport the corpse.  She could tell it would be an interesting case. 


	2. Sing it Again!

** Disclaimer in Part One  

************** 

            Westchester, New York  

            "Our first interrogation is with Logan."  

            "The cranky, pointed hair guy right?"  

            "His code name here is Wolverine, and his mutation is the ability to heal from virtually anything."  Scully finished.  

            "Wolverine?" Mulder asked, his voice dripping with incredulity.  

            Scully set the folder down and sighed.  "Mulder, why are you so reluctant to accept the fact that these people are mutants?"  

            "Because Scully we have two different views of what makes a mutant.  Tooms, that's a mutant."  

            "Eugene Tooms had a liver disorder."  Scully said simply. 

            "The Flukeworm. Are you going to deny that too?"  

            "He had a big mouth, that doesn't make him a mutant!"  

            "And you're saying that every person here is a mutant?"  

            "Yes."  

            "Prove it."  

            "Fine."  

            A knock at the rec room door interrupted the two, and Mulder opened the door for Logan, who looked less than thrilled to be standing where he was.  "Mutants exist dick."  He growled at Mulder and slumped down into a chair.  

            "Join us, please."  Mulder said sarcastically.  

            "What sort of a name is Wolverine?"  

            "What sort of a name is Fox?"  

            "I wondered the same thing for years."  Mulder divulged.   

            "Where were you last Friday?"  Scully asked.  

            "At the mansion."  

            "Who were you with?"  Mulder asked. 

            "Rogue."  

            "Who's that, your girlfriend?"  

            Neither of the agents missed the slight shift at the mention of the woman's name.  

            "She's not your girlfriend I take it." Scully ventured. 

            "But you have a thang for her don't ya?" Mulder grinned, enjoying the irritated look on Logan's face.  

            "Don't worry, we can smell our own." Mulder said cryptically while looking at Scully who was flipping through the files to make a note on Logan's file. 

            Logan growled, and to Mulder's amazement two sets of glistening claws shot out of the mutant's hands.  "Drop it bub."  

            "Nice prosthetics, Scully put you up to that?"  

            "Mulder!"  

            "You wanna find out how real they are?"  Logan asked in a deceptively quiet voice.  

            Mulder just stared at him until the claws had retracted.  The man began rubbing his knuckles and waited in silence for the agents to continue. 

            "Have you seen this before?"  Scully asked, presenting Logan with a picture of the victim.  

            "No.  Well, it didn't look like that at the time."  Logan answered.  

            "But you've seen the deceased before?"  Mulder pressed.  

            "I said yes, do I need to spell it out for you?"  

            "When was the last time you saw the victim?"  

            "Last Wednesday I guess.  A bunch of kids were in the rec room, listening to the shit they call music, and I saw him there."  

            "What do the initials JVC stand for?"  Mulder asked.  

            "How the fuck should I know?"  

            "Have you seen this before?"  Scully asked, holding up a CD.  

            "Yes." Logan said, his eyes narrowing. 

            "Can you tell me what's on it?"  She continued.  

            Again, Logan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and didn't answer.  

            "Maybe this'll refresh your memory."  Mulder said and set up the CD player.  

            A gruff voice began crooning, filling the room with sound.  

            /We are on fire, we have desires 

            /But one is that way 

            /One X-Men man's gay  *   

            /But we don't want to be mean 

            /Since now he's a queen 

            /Don't ask please, which X-Man is gay 

            /Tell me who! 

            /Ain't sayin' that its Bobby 

            /Tell me who! 

            /Ain't saying that its Logan 

            /Tell me who 

            /I never wanna hear you say 

            /Which X-Men man's gay?  

            A metallic slice cut through the air, and a moment later, the portable CD player had been impaled by three claws and began shooting sparks.  Logan stalked out of the room, and Scully extinguished the fire.  "I guess we know where the claw marks are from." She said dryly, removing the mangled CD from the fried player.  

            "At least we still have the tape."  

***********  

            Later that day…….

            "Mulder, we've been interviewing people all day.  I think its time to try a different approach and use the song again.  Let's see if we can get the same reaction.  If what happened to the CD player is the same thing that happened to the victim, then we need to see the other four use their powers."  Scully said as she repositioned the mangled CD player. 

            "I still say it's a prosthesis."  

            "Mulder, who the hell would use a prosthesis with claws?"  

            "Captain Hook." Mulder grinned.  

            "Captain Hook is a fictional character.  Besides he had one hook, this guy has three claws on each hand."  

            Scott Summers cleared his throat. " You wanted to see me again?"  

            "Yeah, have a chair.  Why don't you take off your glasses?"  Mulder inquired. 

            "I already told you what would happen if I do." Scott said lightly.  

            "Suit yourself."  

            Scully pressed play on the tape player she had procured, but kept it out of sight from the man in front of her.

            /Now I can see him 

            /He's in leather clothes * 

            /But he don't need a dogtag ID *   

            /He likes Village people, he's playing Croquet 

            /But his ice isn't cool to me * 

            /He is on fire, his back perspires 

            /Won't say, won't say, won't say 

            /Who's gay! 

            /He's always saying' ain't nothing but a butt ache 

            /Ain't nothing but a fruitcake 

            /I never wanna hear you say 

            /Which one of us is gay 

            /Tell me who! 

            /Ain't saying that its Johnny * 

            /Tell me who! 

            /Ain't saying Scott or Charles * 

            /Tell me who! 

            /He's baking up a soufflé 

            /Which X-Men Man's gay *

            /Okay, we're all gay 

            Scott Summers took as well to hearing his own voice crooning as Logan had.  Before Scully could get out of the way, he had placed his hand at the temple of his visor and blasted it.  Like his teammate, he turned tail and ran away.   

            "Come on Scully lets get you to the med lab, looks like a nasty burn."  Mulder said, nodding at her right hand, which was raw and shiny looking.  

            "Now do you believe they're mutants?"  

            Mulder considered her for a moment.  "Its plausible." He said seriously before ushering Scully out of the room with his hand on the small of her back.   


End file.
